Am I ready for a Relationship?

Q: How do I know when I am ready for a relationship?

You are ready for a relationship when you become mature enough to care and think of the wellbeing of another person. When you are willing to make sacrifices to see someone else happy.

Q: How do I build my esteem after a break up especially if it is the other person that ended the relationship?

You just need to pick yourself up and move on. However, you need to analyze the reasons that led to the break up in order for you to avoid a repeat when you get into a new relationship. Especially if the reasons are related to your personality, so that you make amends where necessary and are better equipped and prepared for next time.

Q: How do I stay happy as a single person?

Discover what makes you you and pursue it. When you are so busy fulfilling purpose and doing what you love, it will not matter to you that you are single. In the process, you would know yourself thoroughly and be well informed to make solid relationship decisions if or when you decide to couple.

Q: How do I save on a low income?

No matter your income, the strategy that works for me is that I save 10% of whatever I earn and I do not buy things I cannot afford on the spot. I advise you buy only what you need that you can afford per time. If you diligently save despite your low income, you would have trained yourself to save more when your income increases.

Q: How do I handle a nagging woman

I would like to know your definition of a nagging woman before I can answer this because over the years I have discovered that even a woman who is expressing her valid concerns in a marriage is tagged a nagging woman simply because her man is not interested in what she has to say. So I need details to do justice to this question.

Q: How can I effectively communicate with my spouse, especially when he gets easily put off.

Communication is about listening and being heard and it is a very vast subject. Except your spouse is a crazy person, the only reason people get easily put off is if you are not speaking their language and I do not mean that literally. Maybe you do not communicate with him at the right time or with the right tone and body language. It would have been really helpful to me if I got more details in this question. Communication has to be tailored made for each couple. What works for couple A may not work for couple B. However, I would give you some tips:

Rules of Effective Communication

>> Ensure your spouse is listening – check his/her mood, make sure they are not distracted. Ask if you can talk now. Proverbs 15:23

>> Begin with positive words – say words of affirmation, remember to state the things he/she does well and make sure you are sincere. Colossians 4:6

>> Watch your tone and body language – because this is the bulk of your communication, remember actions speak louder than words.

>> Don’t mind-read – don’t assume anything, ask questions to clarify things. For instance, don’t make statements like, “you don’t love me that’s why…”

>> Don’t exaggerate by using words like always and never. Don’t say “you always …” or “you never…”

>> Speak on your preferences not on principles – preferences give room for resolution, forget about right or wrong instead say, “I prefer…” not “it has to or should be …”

I hope this few tips will help you, you can always ask another question with specifics and I will be more than glad to help.

b) Is there any skill to learn on being sensitive to my partner’s needs? What can I do to up my game on this issue?

The fact that you are asking this question is already a pointer to the fact that your partner’s needs are important to you. So keep it up, you just have to be a student of your spouse. I cannot give you direct guidelines because I do not know your partner at all but you do. And any part you do not know too well, you can always ask. There’s an adage that says that a person who always asks questions cannot miss their way. The problem with couples is that each one wants to be viewed as a superhero – someone that can just figure out what the other person wants without asking. As romantic as it is for one to get something they really need from their spouse without them asking for it, the truth is it doesn’t always work that way, except you are married or in a relationship with a mind reader. Don’t be afraid to ask your partner from time to time what you can do to help them or how best you can meet their needs. To answer your question whether there is any skill to learn on being sensitive to your partner’s needs, I say be a student of your partner, let them be the school you attend and you know smart and intelligent students ask the right questions.

 

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Ijeoma Ajibola

Ijeoma Ajibola is a Neuro Linguistic Programmer, speaker, author, certified Marriage Coach, and happy mother of three lovely children. Pursuing her passion for successful marriages, she obtained a certificate from the College of Marital Success in 2012 and has written two books: Common Mistakes Husbands Make and Common Mistakes Wives Make. She hosts monthly Breakfast Meetings for couples as well as an annual ‘Love Ball’. In addition to speaking at couples’ events, she runs an online personalized therapy for couples.

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