Can he decide how I spend money?

couple dragging cash Q: Dear ma, my partner asked me to either loan him or put in a networking business, money given to me by my folks for a purpose (induction). Is he right for making such a request? Am I wrong for refusing, even after trying to explain my reasons?
>Does being in relationship mean He can make decisions over my money even when I disagree?

He is not wrong for asking and you are not wrong for refusing. It is a good thing when your partner comes to you for help and you should be willing to do anything in your power for your partner. However, in this particular case because the money you have is designated for something important, you just have to explain to him. Being in a relationship does not mean he can make decisions over your money except you permit him. Moreover, you guys are not married yet I believe. Before you both get married, I strongly advice that you sit down and have a long financial talk amongst other topics. The issue of money is not one to be taken lightly. You need to be very clear on how both of your incomes will be managed. Who will take care of what? Should the money be put together in one pool? How much can each person spend individually? These are a few of the questions you both need to address, so that there is no confusion anywhere. In all this, remember that love should be the bedrock, so do not make your marriage become mechanical on account of money.

 

Q: Some ladies say it is better to date and marry a guy that is way older, because older guys seem to be more caring, understanding and are very mature in handling a lady. Please is this true? What’s my hope then as a young man?

Caring, understanding and maturity in marriage have got absolutely nothing to do with age. That some ladies believe that a way older guy is better for them is their opinion and they are entitled to it. I do not understand what you mean by “what is your hope as a young man?” when you are ready for marriage, you will definitely find someone who is interested in you. If you have the mindset that you have to be a certain way or age to be accepted by a lady, then you are off on the wrong foot. Age is not the key thing in marriage. No matter the age difference between spouses, they should be able to relate to each other as partners, friends and lovers. The age of the man notwithstanding, he is the head of the home and that is how it should be. I have seen marriages where the husband is younger than the wife and they thrive very well. Also, I have had the opportunity to offer premarital counselling to a few ladies who found themselves in love with men younger than them and the first question I ask is, can you give him all the respect and honor he deserves as your head despite his age? Their answer to that question helps them decide whether to go ahead with the relationship or call it quits. It’s all a matter of considering your strengths and weaknesses before making a decision.
 

Q: How can one build real maturity for marriage?

LoveIsNotSelfish1Hmmm…to build maturity for marriage, you simply need to know what it entails to be married. Marriage is simply death to self. When you are ready to sacrifice for another to be happy, then you are matured enough to get married. If all you still worry about is yourself and what is suitable for you alone, you are definitely not matured for marriage yet. And this is okay; I mean it’s not a sin if you just cannot see yourself effectively caring for another. Where I have a problem is when selfish people decide to get married, they end up frustrating the unfortunate fellow that comes their way. You are matured for marriage when you can think with another on your mind. The remaining part of the maturity would be learnt as you go along, more like learning on the job.

 
Q: Sometimes I don’t feel motivated towards my partner, I’m just there, but some other times the feeling is strong, this has led to some level of unpredictability. Do I have a problem? What can I do?

This is not a question to be answered here. What you need is proper counselling because we need to take a deep look into your relationship and personality.

 
Q: What practical steps/advice can you give to a guy who’s not so expressive (and sometimes perceived to be unromantic) who’s dating a girl that is sooo expressive. Cos the lady at times questions her partner’s love for her and this guy is getting weary of her complaints.

As much as people cannot control their personalities, he should first acknowledge the areas he needs to work on. By so doing, the problem is half solved. Now he needs to put in extra effort to be expressive. His partner would appreciate and commend him when she sees the efforts he’s making. As for practical steps, it is relative. He needs to listen to the specifics his partner complains about and make a decision to improve on them.

 
Q: How can you really tell your partner loves you especially when he is not as expressive as I am?

Expressive or not you should know if someone has your best interest at heart. How does he respond to issues of concern to you? Are you uplifted when in his company or do you feel less of yourself? It’s pretty simple.

Q: How do I show consistent love to my partner even when I don’t feel like it. I don’t like to pretend anyways.

The thing is, true love has got nothing to do with feelings. It is purely action-based, so even when you don’t “feel” like it. It is something you must express even if it’s in little ways. I will write more details on this when I find the time.

 

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Ijeoma Ajibola

Ijeoma Ajibola is a Neuro Linguistic Programmer, speaker, author, certified Marriage Coach, and happy mother of three lovely children. Pursuing her passion for successful marriages, she obtained a certificate from the College of Marital Success in 2012 and has written two books: Common Mistakes Husbands Make and Common Mistakes Wives Make. She hosts monthly Breakfast Meetings for couples as well as an annual ‘Love Ball’. In addition to speaking at couples’ events, she runs an online personalized therapy for couples.

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