Can I breakup after…?

breakupssQ: Is it enough to break a relationship because the two parties have crossed the physical boundary lines?

Ok let’s break this down and call a spade a spade. You were in a relationship, you both had sex and now you want to break up on account of that. What I see here is one of two things … (and this is strictly my opinion), either you both are feeling so ashamed of the sin you committed that you cannot face each other anymore and/or one or both of you got into the relationship for “physical” reasons and now that it’s been fulfilled, the person wants to take a walk. Please note that my analysis could be totally wrong. However, crossing the physical boundary should not be the sole reason for breaking up. Fine, you both let temptation overcome you but you can repent and continue the relationship. All you’ll need to do going forward is to flee all appearance and environments that may lead you in that direction again.

 

Q: Is it really necessary that a guy tells his parents or his siblings about his relationship knowing well that he is not getting married soon?

Why is he in the relationship in the first place? Does the person he is involved with know he is not getting married soon? Or is this a boyfriend/girlfriend thing where he is just testing the waters? I really wish I could get answers to these questions. Anyway, to answer your question, he does not have to tell his parents or siblings if he does not want to.

 

Q: What’s behind the assumed notion that Men must work while their spouses should be readily available to take care of the home and kids? Cos it’s common in Africa to see women take or jobs or businesses (whether it’s fulfilling or not) that will aid their being available at home.
b) How can this be balanced 

a) This is an age long notion, I cannot say categorically its origin or what’s behind it and it’s not in my power to change it. But one thing I tell intending couples is to do away with myths and limiting beliefs. You need to see this from a personal stand point and ask yourself what works for you and your spouse. You both should be able to come up with your own rules, regulations and plans and stick to it. If you want to reverse the norm by allowing the wife go to work and the husband stay at home to care for the kids, all fine and good. If you both decide to work your hearts out and not have kids, all fine and good too. Whatever you decide, stick to it and do not pay attention to wagging tongues because trust me, people always have unsolicited advice and counsel to give.

b) True balance can only be attempted when parties involved are doing what fulfills them. The first step is to live a life of purpose then balance can be achieved. But when one does whatever out of necessity he/she may be frustrated in the process. Let me also add that if couples are not willing to make sacrifices for their children’s upbringing and wellbeing, they should not bother bringing them to this world. First step to achieving balance is to set your priorities right. With wisdom and doing what you love and are created to do, balance can be achieved.

 

Q: What’s your take on newlyweds living in different locations especially because of their jobs?

It is not a very good arrangement, I do not subscribe to it but some circumstances are unavoidable. I would advise the couple to work hard towards bringing their long distance marriage to an end as soon as possible.

 

Q: When a guy wants to marry, it’s a requirement that he has a job and a good accommodation before he can marry. My question is this, what if he loses his job after the wedding, then what happens?
b) Since this is a possibility, what then is the main deal for financial security?

a) What happens is that he gets a new job.

b) I really do not get this question. If a man wants to get into marriage without financial security and he finds a lady crazily in love with him enough not to care, well, good luck to him. There is no hard and fast rule about financial security and/or stability in marriage.

 

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Ijeoma Ajibola

Ijeoma Ajibola is a Neuro Linguistic Programmer, speaker, author, certified Marriage Coach, and happy mother of three lovely children. Pursuing her passion for successful marriages, she obtained a certificate from the College of Marital Success in 2012 and has written two books: Common Mistakes Husbands Make and Common Mistakes Wives Make. She hosts monthly Breakfast Meetings for couples as well as an annual ‘Love Ball’. In addition to speaking at couples’ events, she runs an online personalized therapy for couples.

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