Is there a particular guy for a lady?

Q: I have heard of people coming out a relationship and getting into another one; it’s painful that those relationships keep breaking (well for those I am aware of),  my question is this… Having broken a relationship, how soon should someone start another one.  The first one was ended based on incoherence on some fundamental issues and not necessarily because someone wasn’t serious. I need you counsel,  how soon can one begin another serious relationship with someone else?

A: Everyone has their expectations and desires when entering a relationship and that’s good because you should know what you want. The people who get tossed and toyed with are usually those who don’t know exactly who they are and what they want, so anything goes. You and your partner should be on the same page regarding issues that are of utmost importance to you, especially issues you can’t compromise on. When one relationship ends, it’s important to learn the lessons that came with it in order to avoid a repeat in the new relationship. Depending on your state of mind after the end of a relationship, there is nothing wrong in meeting someone the next day and starting another relationship. The important thing is to make sure that this new person has the qualities you are looking out for and is headed in the same direction as you. One thing you don’t want to do is transfer baggage from your previous relationship to the new one, if it takes you one day to heal and be ready for a new one, well, go ahead and if it takes you several weeks or months, that’s fine too. Don’t make a new relationship suffer because of a previous one. In my case, I never had a relationship before marriage that lasted more than a month or two, the moment I sensed we were incoherent, I moved on fast and it always seemed as if another guy was just at the door waiting for me to get out of the relationship. I ended a particular relationship on the second day of May 2004, and by the 16th of the same month I met a new guy who is now my husband. In summary, when it comes to relationships there are really no hard and fast rules, take your time and get what you truly want even if it shows up the next day.

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Q: There have been teachings about compatibility and the story of Adam and Eve have been used to covey the message. Please clarify: is there a man for every woman, what I mean is… Is there just one woman for one man, that is, if such a man marries someone else apart from the ‘right’ person, he has made a mistake?  Thank you!

A: My dear, there is nothing like that in the scriptures…..there is no one man for a particular woman. Your top priority in choosing a spouse is to make sure he/she is a Christian just as you are. Prov 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds what is good, and receives favor from the Lord”. The bible says, finds ‘a’ wife not finds ‘the’ wife. Choose whomever you desire to marry as long as you choose the right kind of person according to God’s standards. Anyone that reflects the fruits of the Spirit and has the attributes and qualities you desire is God’s will for you.

Q: How can a relationship be best managed when one person (the woman) is driven, enterprising and entrepreneurial, but the other is more laid back.

A: There’s really not much that can be done if the laid back person has always been like that. However, with much encouragement and support he/she might see reasons to find at least a paying job because such a person will do better behind a desk than in business. If the relationship is a marriage, the enterprising party has to bear her cross, because I believe she must have seen little signs that the person was like that from the onset. If the man became laid back as a result of an event or a situation, then the case can be salvaged and with patience after a while, the phase might pass. If the couple is not married yet and the lady cannot cope or come to terms with being the breadwinner, I suggest she takes a walk.

Q: For reasons of always making people better off than they met me.. I have people I could call my protégés .. I’m currently not in a relationship because I feel am not ready for that demand right now,  I still need more time to put myself together before getting into this all important aspect of my life.  Over the last 5 months I started liking this girl and I haven’t told her anything,  I have also tried to hide it from her in my reaction since I wasn’t ready and she’s also a protégé,  I feel I gave myself more time to authenticate the feelings I have for her.The issue right now is that she’s talking to me about a guy she like and am dumbfounded,  I’m afraid I might lose her since I have not told her anything. She hasn’t received any proposal from this guy yet… She’s a lovely lady… What do I do? Do I tell her now… Really, am not ready for a relationship.. But i may lose her if I say nothing.. Please help out!

A: Go ahead and tell her how you feel, pour out your heart to her……..please note that she may not accept your love or may not be attracted to you that way, be ready to accept whatever her response will be in good faith. The important fact is that, you bore your mind and you will have no regrets when she’s with the other guy wishing that you told her how you felt.
The second part I would like to address and to me the most important aspect is the fact that you said you are not ready for a relationship. She probably is ready for one, so if you express your feelings for her and for some reason she decides to forget about the other guy, what would happen then? Will she just sit around and wait for you to be ready for a relationship? You need to put her into consideration when deciding what to do. When it comes to relationships, ladies like to know where they are headed with a guy as soon as possible. If you do not see yourself being ready anytime soon, I suggest you let her go……..you will surely meet someone else when you are ready.

 

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Ijeoma Ajibola

Ijeoma Ajibola is a Neuro Linguistic Programmer, speaker, author, certified Marriage Coach, and happy mother of three lovely children. Pursuing her passion for successful marriages, she obtained a certificate from the College of Marital Success in 2012 and has written two books: Common Mistakes Husbands Make and Common Mistakes Wives Make. She hosts monthly Breakfast Meetings for couples as well as an annual ‘Love Ball’. In addition to speaking at couples’ events, she runs an online personalized therapy for couples.

Comment ( 1 )
  1. k-gal
    June 2, 2016 at 8:38 pm
    Reply

    I really needed to know if there is one man for every woman.
    Thanks for clarifying that.

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