What about my Ex

Q: How do I identify the warning signs early in a relationship?

This question needs to be more specific. Well, if a guy slaps a lady during courtship that is a pointer to further violence if they get married. For other specific warnings (which I cannot remember now), the person involved will definitely know. It just so happens that some people chose to ignore the signs when they are shown them.

Q: Is it OK for me to be in touch with my ex even when I’m in a new relationship? Should I completely stop all communication with the person.

Hmmm…there is a reason that person is your ex. The person you are currently in a relationship with may not be too comfortable with you keeping in touch with your ex plus it is not a very healthy arrangement. You might unconsciously find yourself comparing your present with your ex and this may lead to you second guessing yourself and your decision. You may be matured enough to handle and manage communication with him/her but you do not know the state of the other persons heart (the ex). So I advise you to let sleeping dog lie. Funny enough, some weeks ago I binge watched a TV show where a happily married guy saw his ex for the first time after 18 years, they talked and exchanged contacts, they began speaking on phone and before we knew it, the guy realized he was still in love with her after all these years. To cut the long story short, he left his wife and three kids for her. I know this is a very extreme example but it’s always better to flee all appearance of evil.

Q: How long should I take before entering a new relationship after a breakup?

The length of time between a breakup and a new relationship is relative. There is no set rule for that, however, you might want to ensure that you have learnt the relevant lessons from the previous relationship in order to avoid a repeat. You also need to ensure that your heart is healed and ready for someone new so that you do not transfer all the past baggage to the new innocent person.

dATING ex

Q: Can I be unequally yoked with another Christian? Does being a Christian automatically qualify someone for a relationship?

Christianity is not an automatic qualification for a relationship. Even if you mingle only with Christians, you still need to know exactly what you want in a relationship and do not settle for less. I remember my single days, all my suitors were born again Christians but I did not marry the first guy who told me “…God said,” and trust me there were quite a few of them who just happened to think that God would bypass me and communicate my marital fate to them alone. Anyway, let’s just say I broke a few brothers’ hearts and that did not make me a sinner. It was that easy for me because despite being good Christians, they did not match the other qualities I was looking for. I have counseled some Christian couples and when you hear some of the issues, you would wonder if the part of the bible that talks about the fruits of the Spirit was edited off their copy. There are basic characteristics that every child of God should naturally exhibit but to my amazement, they are lacking. So my dear, take your time and choose well.

 

Q: In planning a wedding, how can one handle different ideas about the wedding by the couple to avoid friction between them? One likes things simple and the other seems extravagant.

The difference in preferences of the couple is one of the reasons they are getting married in the first place and our differences make the marriage institution a unique and beautiful one. So when it comes to planning the wedding ceremony which is just a day in the rest of their lives, they both have to compromise on some of their ideas. If they cannot peacefully agree on which venue for their wedding or number of guests they should have for instance, how would they handle major decisions like which city to buy a house in or which schools their kids should attend etc. Ensuring there is a balance in what each one wants is the first step towards an enviable union.

 

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Ijeoma Ajibola

Ijeoma Ajibola is a Neuro Linguistic Programmer, speaker, author, certified Marriage Coach, and happy mother of three lovely children. Pursuing her passion for successful marriages, she obtained a certificate from the College of Marital Success in 2012 and has written two books: Common Mistakes Husbands Make and Common Mistakes Wives Make. She hosts monthly Breakfast Meetings for couples as well as an annual ‘Love Ball’. In addition to speaking at couples’ events, she runs an online personalized therapy for couples.

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