Non-negotiable for a successful wedding

wedding ceremony

Q: How can I stand my ground and at the same time be fair to both parents in trying to have a wedding ceremony of their choice.

Assume that this preparation for the wedding ceremony is your test or prerequisite to a successful married life. If you cannot stand your grounds to your parents especially when you have a good enough reason to, then I’m sorry to say, you are not ready to start your own family. Some parents do not know how to come to terms with the fact that their baby is a grown man/woman now. They still look at you as the little one they nursed, it is your duty to point them in the right direction; if not, they will to meddle in your marriage.


Q: Please what’s a standard checklist/ things that are not negotiable for a successful wedding ceremony?

–  Bride and groom in sound health and well dressed.

–  Pastor notified and date secured.

–  Both parents consented

–  Invitation cards – Invite the number of guests you can afford to cater for.

–  Transportation for the couple (to and fro)

–  Reception venue (arranged and decorated).

–  Refreshments (again, according to your pocket)

–  Good Master of ceremony (to help see to it that everything flows in sequence).

No matter how much you spend, there will still be people who will leave your wedding ceremony feeling dissatisfied. So why should you break the bank, and moreover speaking from experience, no one will come to you directly to say your wedding ceremony was bad. You should not even care about what people will say. What is important is to ensure that your marriage (not the ceremony) becomes an enviable one.


Q: We disagree a lot, or better put, we have a lot of misunderstandings. And we’re just a few months in our relationship.
a) My fear is, will we ever be compatible?

It depends on what things you disagree on. I mean living peacefully amidst differences is what makes a couple beautiful but of course there has to be some things you both agree on. How important are the things you disagree on? Are they issues that either of you can compromise on without adverse effects? I cannot tell if you will ever be compatible until I know the specifics of your relationship.

Q: I’ve heard people say you’ll quarrel and fight till you get to tolerate and understand yourselves better.
b) Is this really true?

Well, quarrel and fight are not the right words to use in this case. You will disagree on some issues, that is for sure and totally understandable considering the fact that you were both raised by two different families with different backgrounds, ideals and culture. The ability to work issues out and meet on a common ground is what makes you both matured enough to be married. Healthy relationships are the kinds where each individual is allowed to air their views without fear and suppression. Relationships where emotions are being bottled up will lead one to implode. Like I said earlier, if it is life altering and highly important issues you mostly disagree on, then I don’t think you are right for each other.


Q: How can one handle the pressure to get married when I just want a little more time. The thing is I don’t want to look unserious, but I wanna buy some time as a single guy, just being my quiet self.

Explain your reasons to the people pressurizing you; I believe if you give them your cogent reasons, they will understand. Marriage is not something one should be pressured into. Presently, the world has enough dysfunctional marriages, please don’t succumb to pressure and add to the statistics. If you get married when you are not prepared for it, you end up frustrating yourself and the unlucky lady.


Q: Being in a relationship with someone for a long time asper for years…is it biblical as opposed to short term relationships in the space of months before marriage? What does the bible say about dating?

The number of months or years it takes you to be in a relationship does not really matter. However, you need to define the reason for the length of your relationship. Are you dating for so long before marriage because you want to get to know the person better? Or are you just passing time till a “better” offer comes your way. I do not know anywhere in the bible that speaks about dating but one thing I do know is that, the length of your relationship does not determine the quality of your marriage. You can never truly begin to know your spouse until you start living under the same roof. My advice to you is to know what you want in a relationship, define the reason for how long you need before you tie the knot. Let it be for important reasons like being sure he/she is the one, waiting to save up enough for the wedding ceremony, moving to a bigger apartment etc. I met my husband and within two months we were already talking about marriage. The main reason why it took us a year to get married was because my Dad objected to our marriage at first because of tribal difference. We proved to him our love for each other and our determination to make it work regardless of tribe, and he gave his consent.


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Ijeoma Ajibola

Ijeoma Ajibola is a Neuro Linguistic Programmer, speaker, author, certified Marriage Coach, and happy mother of three lovely children. Pursuing her passion for successful marriages, she obtained a certificate from the College of Marital Success in 2012 and has written two books: Common Mistakes Husbands Make and Common Mistakes Wives Make. She hosts monthly Breakfast Meetings for couples as well as an annual ‘Love Ball’. In addition to speaking at couples’ events, she runs an online personalized therapy for couples.

Comments ( 2 )
    August 24, 2016 at 9:59 am

    I could read this post one million times. Thank you for the very practical answers

    • ijeoma
      August 25, 2016 at 12:24 am

      I appreciate, thanks for your comment

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