There are a plethora of needs, desires and wants that every human desires. One of such is the need to be loved. This desire to be loved is what primarily drives persons into relationships. For some, it’s a happy-go-lucky ride, while for some, it’s a bumpy road. Nevertheless, relationships are important. However in this case, the focus is on romantic relationships.

Though there are no specific rules as to how to keep a relationship (dating, courting, even marriage), and considering the fact that it involves two different people who most likely share different opinions on certain issues, there are some important attitudes and attributes that should be inherent and ought to be exhibited if a relationship is going to be peaceful.

who are you1. Know who you are and what you want. This is so crucial to even our individual lives. It is important to understand your likes and dislikes, your strengths and weaknesses. Also, self evaluation from time to time helps you to know why you act the way you do and if some of the things you do are simply over reactions to whatever circumstance. Self evaluation also helps you correct yourself and make necessary adjustment in your character.

2. Be honest with yourself and with your partner. Honesty is a great virtue. Moreover, the slightest hunch that one’s partner is not being honest in a relationship can breed distrust which will ultimately lead to more grievous experiences in the relationship. Be open- rather, transparent with your partner as you’ll like them to be with you.

3. Disagree peacefully. The truth is both of you cannot possibly agree on every single thing due to your different backgrounds and experiences. For emphasis sake, disagreement is simply an issue of misunderstanding. This doesn’t mean it should become a battle or like a world war. It is best to listen to your partner’s view, then calmly explain exactly what you mean- because it is possible that there was some misinterpretation somewhere. However, in explaining exactly what you mean, ensure you don’t use words that will make your partner feel insulted. For example instead of saying ‘you are such a dirty pig, can’t you just keep this space tidy and clean?’, you could say : ‘ It breaks my heart when I see this space so untidy and dirty, please join me to keep this space tidy and clean always’. The first statement sounds more like an insult to your partner, while the second statement expresses how you really feel about the untidy behavior.

so sorry

4. Sometimes, you just have to apologize (even if you are right). Which is more important to you? Being right or the peace of the relationship? This can be difficult sometimes, but it is wiser to seek for peace. On the other hand, when you are wrong, you should take correction and apologize.

5. Treat your partner as you want him/her to treat you. It is the golden rule. Do to others as you would like them to do to/for you. When you love someone, you have his or her best interest at heart. What good is it if your partner is unhappy? Try to beat each other at showing love in various ways possible. A pleasant surprise gift or an unexpected word of affirmation can go a long way in the heart of your partner. Use kind words and correct each other in love. Understand your uniqueness and that of your partner- and make necessary adjustments when necessary.

If you can put these to practice, you can be assured of better and more peaceful relationships.


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Lois Oluwatosin Tioluwani is a graduate of Covenant University from the department of Sociology. She loves to read, write and listen to music. She loves to care for and encourage people. God is literally her life. Without him she is nothing. It's in him she lives, moves and has her being.

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