What’s the best age for marriage?

 

Q: When we talk about setting boundaries in relationships, what are the boundary lines that should clearly be drawn, and how can both parties avoid crossing these boundaries?

 

A: Setting boundaries is absolutely dependent on the parties involved in the relationship; it’s something they both have to agree upon because just like no two individuals are completely alike, same way no two relationships are the same. What works for couple A may not be realistic for couple B; this is why communication is the bedrock of any successful relationship. When it comes to crossing boundaries, it’s important to know that a good relationship also involves some degree of compromise; however, what’s important is that both parties are happy with the outcome of their decisions.

 

Q: Is it wise for a couple to pursue the same career and/or do the same business? Especially when it’s a demanding and time consuming one?

 

A: There is nothing bad in a couple pursuing the same career, but they both have to do all it takes to make it work especially where children are involved. The best interest of the children have to be top on their priority list, however, if the plan is for the children to be left at the mercy of nannies and maids, its only wise that one of them take a break, focus on raising the kids and once they are old enough, that person can return to the pursuit of their career. No child should be made to suffer at the expense of their parent’s career because they did not ask to be brought into the world in the first place. One parent should be able to sacrifice for the children.

 

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Q: What age is the best age to get married and what are the ‘must haves’ that should be in place before marriage.

 

A: First of all, let me say that age does not equal maturity, that being said, in my opinion at the age of 23, a lady should have been matured enough to handle all that marriage requires and the age of 27 is my average for a man. But once an individual is fully matured or knows what marriage entails and what is expected of him/her, then anywhere from the age of 20 is fine, no sooner than 20 is permitted by me.

Well, the basic must have is to be equipped with enough knowledge of what marriage is, secondly, you should be financially equipped to take care of at least 3 people for a start, so a good and stable job or business is a must have. The 3 most important must haves are Maturity (and this covers love and patience for your spouse etc.), Knowledge and Money.

 

Q: I love this guy but he’s from another tribe which has made my parents to be skeptical. How can I handle this and get their support?

 

A: I’m best suited to answer this question….lol. I faced the very same situation when I introduced my husband to my parents as the man I want to marry. My first advice to you is to be completely sure of the guy, how true and deep is your love for each other? Are you totally convinced that he’s the one you want to spend the rest of your life with? See, the thing about facing initial opposition from my parents about my husband was that it made me double check because the last phrase I ever wanted to hear was, “did we not warn you?” or “I told you”. So do your homework well, verify his level of ‘craziness’ about you. Once you’ve got that out of the way and are double sure…..you both now have to convince and prove to your parents that they have nothing to worry about. But if deep down within, you still have some concerns about his tribe, then I suggest you don’t bother, just call it quits now because someday it will definitely show up in the marriage.

At this juncture, let me say that there is no particular tribe that is absolutely guaranteed that when you marry from there you would have a blissful marriage because when it comes to marriage, the individual counts not his/her tribe. The things you need to concern yourself with are the individual’s personality traits, upbringing and background. Many same tribe marriages fail just as much as inter-tribal ones fail because marriage requires deliberate and calculated work for it to succeed.

 

Q: What’s your take on inter-tribal marriage?

A: Inter-tribal marriage is great but like I humorously say, it is for the strong and pure hearted. It can be quite challenging especially when there’s the issue of language barrier. However, just like any marriage it requires work. Good marriages don’t just happen, a lot of work and sacrifice goes into it.  The first step to a successful marriage is to totally buy into each other and then together you can both conquer all. We are human beings first before tribes; don’t let tribalism stand in the way of your love. My take on inter-tribal marriage? Absolutely yes, go for it as long as there’s mutual love and respect for each other.

 

 

 

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Thanks for taking out time to read this post, I hope you were edified.

 

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Ijeoma Ajibola

Ijeoma Ajibola is a Neuro Linguistic Programmer, speaker, author, certified Marriage Coach, and happy mother of three lovely children. Pursuing her passion for successful marriages, she obtained a certificate from the College of Marital Success in 2012 and has written two books: Common Mistakes Husbands Make and Common Mistakes Wives Make. She hosts monthly Breakfast Meetings for couples as well as an annual ‘Love Ball’. In addition to speaking at couples’ events, she runs an online personalized therapy for couples.

Comment ( 1 )
  1. Adedoyin
    April 22, 2016 at 4:12 pm
    Reply

    I thought this was really nice and the area of inter tribal marriage particularly jumped at me. Thank you..

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